12-11 ''800 miles as the Crowe flies''

My kids went to their grandmother's house yesterday and my wife was out shopping so I took this opportunity to watch fights on Youtube. I only did this for about four hours. I have come to the following conclusions:

1. Don't get in a fight - I understand there are no ''rules'' in fighting. However, when did people try to step on your head once they knocked you to the ground? 50% of the fights I watched, when someone went to the ground the guy/girl who knocked their opponent to the ground then proceeded to kick their skull.

2. The bad guys always win - I watched about 100 fights and less than 5% of the time did the 'punk' lose. Most of the time someone is acting like a dick, then when confronted, the dick hits the guy in the head with a skateboard.

3. If you square off against a guy and he lies down on his back, don't fuck with him - didn't see much of this in the backyard brawls, but in the UFC/Pride fighting you realize what a badass you've run into when they want to start on their back.

4. Kimbo will mess you up - If you put this guy in the search you can see about 5 of his fights. He is some ridiculous badass who is an underground fighter. He will go in your backyard and explode your eye.

5. Do not mess with the following people: Kimbo, anyone talking shit while his buddy is videotaping, anyone who has their own mouthpiece, Soccer hooligans, black women and any person, in pack of people, where one or more of them are wearing their hat crooked.




That same day I went to see Mickey Cucchiella, Justin Schlegel and ''The Great'' Bird Knight at the Baltimore Comedy Factory. They were doing two benefit shows.

Some guy saw this video Justin made doing voice-over commentary while monkeys have sex in a tree.
He thought this was so funny that he flew from Montgomery, Alabama to see him.

Just in case you thought you misread that. He flew 800 miles to see Justin do 20 minutes of comedy in front of 20 people.

Here is a picture of Superfan, Dennis Crowe
and Justin Schlegel:

Just to let you know. If you are a fan of mine and you live outside of Maryland/VA/DC don't come and see me. I won't be flattered. I will be scared.

Congratulations to Erin Jackson winning the funniest person in Baltimore contest and for being on the cover of the Baltimore Sun. I am quoted twice and misquoted once in the corresponding article. The following quote is attributed to me:

''There are a lot of people that just think they're the cat's pajamas off stage yukking it up, and they'll get on stage and lock up and just stare out like a deer in the headlights.''

I've never said ''cat's pajamas'' in my life!

Kimbo will beat your ass.

Here's one more article. This one is very accurate, right down to the photo of me.

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