9-6 ''I can't watch this trainwreck.
I'll be in the bar downstairs.''

If anyone was at RiRa this past Wednesday you will know specifically what I am writing about. Lecture mode..3...2...1...

Erin Jackson once said to me, ''You can't bomb at an open mic.''

She's right. Open mics are vehicles to test jokes, work on their construction, prepare for big shows, develop joke order, segues, etc. It is an educational process.

However, as I have said before. You still have a responsibility to prepare and do the best job you possibly can with the material you've chosen. If you lose the audience and can't get them back, get off the stage. No one is going to care if you didn't do your time at an open mic. Usually the issue is people going long. Someone will make up the 3 minutes.

Never, turn on your audience. Never berate them as a group. You will screw yourself and the comic(s) that follow. I've said this before. I have been in situations where the audience will not laugh. They won't laugh at the most seasoned pro for whatever reason. Here's the thing, it is ALWAYS the comics fault. It is your job to make them laugh. If you don't, you didn't do your job. However you need to look at an open mic as an at-bat. You get up there, you swing. Sometimes you'll hit a home run, sometimes you'll strike out. Don't get mad at the pitcher; don't get mad at the fans. It's you. Next time up, swing as hard as you can again.

I am so fucking sick of comics who have to say, ''These are jokes people!'' after saying something the audience finds offensive. Like the audience is gonna say, ''Oh, these are jokes. I didn't realize. HAHAHAHAHAH!''


You don't. You can try and guess. The more you guess correctly, the more frequent it will become. You earn the right to tell irreverent and/or edgy jokes by letting them know a) you are funny and b) you are likeable. They will then instinctively know you don't want to rape an Amish person because they can't use the phone to call the authorities.

I have discussed politics in my last 3 blogs. This is the last time I'll do this. I think everyone knows that I am voting for John McCain. I am doing so because I don't believe that I should pay a higher percentage of income tax the more money I make (this will be the case with either candidate, but less so with McCain). I don't believe I am less entitled to the money I've earned than someone who makes less and I don't believe I am more entitled than someone who makes more. No one is more entitled to the money I earn than I am. I believe in small government. I believe in the importance of a strong military and that when we trivialize the deeds of our military we tear at the fabric of this great country. I believe that many social programs are not the solution to the problems they target, but in many cases are actually the source of those problems. I believe that prosperity should not be looked down upon. The 5% of the people that pay ~40% of the taxes in this country are not villains. I believe in Tort reform. I don't believe the American dream should be ''Who can I sue?''. I believe in school vouchers. Public Schools are inferior, that is a statistical fact. Children who go to private schools have a higher college acceptance rate, get higher SAT scores, make more money when the get out of school, incidences of violent crimes are exponentially lower, etc. This is not conjecture these are facts. So I am forced to pay into a school systems that I refuse to use because it is proven to be inferior. My money is not more important than my child's education or safety so I pay, but I know this is unfair to me.

As important, I believe we get lost in the social issues that the Presidency has little effect upon. Roe vs. Wade was decided in January of '73. In the 35 years that followed Republicans have held the presidency in 24 of those years. Abortion is still legal. Gay Marriage was unrecognized in every state in 2000. Eight years later, after 8 years of W's Presidency, there is some form of legal same-sex union in 19 of our 50 states. I could continue. This country continues to move socially to the left. The President will have little to no influence over these issues unless he is ''lucky'' enough to have a supreme court justice die during his term. If you are voting based on these issues, then focus on your state government where these decisions are truly made.

Here's the thing. Every single person running. From Obama to Nadar to McCain has the interest of their country at heart. I believe that. Quit trying to demonize these people. Also please quit the hypocrisy. That goes for both sides. If experience is important. Then it's important for both sides. If you don't care that the President is getting blown by an intern in the Oval office then you can't care that Palin has a pregnant daughter. If you don't like negative campaigning, then you have to loath it from both sides. Why is one woman a pioneer and another a strategy? At the end of the day, policy, policy, policy, policy!!!!

Fellow comedian, Ryan Conner and I had a long discussion last week about negative campaigning. He expressed his disdain for how is it used to unfairly manipulate and is often 100% fabrication. At the time I applauded Senator Obama for his minimal negative campaigning. Well, that is no longer the case. After seeing his recent campaign adds about John McCain's real estate holdings, he's now as guilty as the next guy. Game on I guess. It's a damn shame.