Yesterday I won the Arlington Drafthouse competition. I was incredible. Every joke was like a haymaker to the jaw of the audience who responded by laughing uncontrollably. In addition, I looked unbelievable. I've been working out and it showed. The spotlight hit my body exactly the right way, I looked like an Adonis. I was wearing a deep blue shirt which accentuated the blue in my eyes. I competed against three other comics. Honestly, I don't remember their names. I do remember one was black and one played the guitar. The third guy was probably gay. Then they gave me a check for $2500 which I promptly wiped my ass with and threw on the pile with the rest of my money. After the show a lot of women approached me for sex. This was unfortunate because my wife had attended the show. Strangely, I was also propositioned by a man and he happened to be the hottest guy in the room. I think it would be unfair to name names, but his name rhymes with 'Mird Might' . I had come there with another couple, but afterwards I felt them unworthy and left them to find their own way home. I was mobbed as I left the venue and was annoyed by the children asking me for my autograph.
Thank you to the Arlington Drafthouse and the organizers.
Order is critical in competitions. I have been outperformed on other occasions by most of the comics that were in the competition (Mumma, Cucchiella, Powell, Maher, Smith, Connor, Rouhier...I could keep going, but it's pointless. Basically, everyone who performed). However, if you go first, you can't win. If you go up before anyone has gotten laughs, you can't win. If you go last in a competition of 8 or more, you can't win. If someone has a great set and you perform after them, you can't do as well and win. The earlier performers set the bar. If the MC sucks the 4th person is in the best spot. If the MC is great it's the 3rd, unless someone tanks in between, then it's...you get the point. It has more to do with where you are than who you are.
I got extremely lucky, Rob Maher was hilarious as the MC and I went 3rd. I also benefited from not having to follow Doug Powell. He closed on a song and, as always, it destroyed. I've followed Doug before and when you have to go up and tell jokes after that you find the energy has been drained from the room.
I am humbled and grateful that I was selected as the winner.
After the show a few of us went to the Macaroni Grill (excellent Chicken Marsala by the way). Doug and Jon drew some pictures:
Honestly, I think the one of Sean Gabbert is more accurate than the one of me.
I remember Jeff Maurer complimenting Jon Mumma for not blogging about his victory in the DC Showcase this year. So I guess what Jeff is saying is that Jon is a better person than I am. No shit, everyone knows that.
Jon Mumma wears glasses around his house that Sally Jessie Raphael would think were too big.
The Mickey and Amelia show has been moved to mornings on 98 Rock. I am on this show regularly and consider Mickey to be one of the closest friends I have in comedy. We spend a lot of time discussing the art of comedy. However, if I had an ultimate goal it would be to make a living at making people laugh. This does not mean being rich and famous, but to wake up and go to sleep knowing my job is comedy. About 1% of the comics in this area have been able to do this. Well, Mickey has been doing this for a while and now he's carved out a lucrative future. I am extremely envious. I'm proud of you man. Keep going.
Justin Schlegel and I went to Amelia's birthday party at the Ramshead Live last week. Playing was Queensryche. It was awesome. Awesome like watching a Christopher Guest movie. It was more performance art than a rock concert. Bad dinner theater meets cliché rock. I loved it. If you get a chance to see them, please do. I'm not sure I got out of it what was intended, but I would definitely see them again. It reminded me a little bit of seeing Tom Myers perform.
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